Hey all. It’s late night, back at the hotel after a couple sweet shows at “Good Nights” in Raleigh, N. C. Got “The Blind Side” on in the background. Ashley and I tried to see it when it first came out, but all the theaters were full (full to Ashley means there were no seats except the first 3 rows which gives her “the spins” or something incredibly dangerous). I am not movie cheating on her because she saw “Valentine’s Day” with her brother while the King of her Castle was en route to a show. She knew how important that film was to me since two of my buddies Eric Dane and Bradley Cooper play lovers, and I had several jokes lined up for them..
This is one of my last comedy club appearance’s, but after hanging with the owner Brad Reeder, his crowds and staff, I may do more. My plan was to work the clubs for a year and slowly transfer to Casino’s and small Theater’s. So instead of doing 4 shows I could do one big one and have more time at home. It’s pilot season and I love sleeping in my own bed with my movie cheating wife. AND we’re trying to make a baby so my physical presence is required. The Casino’s I’ve been doing have been great. Well run, built in crowds and I still get to meet and greet the people between shows. Plus, I’ve been to places I didn’t know existed (Lake of The Torches in Wisconsin, Snoqualmie, Washington and even a great one in Dubuque, Iowa).
Next week I’m at The Irvine Improv. A few folks are coming down to see who does my stand up special (my Endgame, I’ve told myself many a nights away from Ashley) but I have a feeling I won’t stop. Just be more selective. It’s too much fun and it’s the only time I get to actually touch, literally, an audience. I can’t explain it, but every show there’s been a moment. Someone from my past or someone who just needs to connect has touched ME and reminded me of who I am, where I come from and how important it is that I keep connecting with people who I have much more in common with than most of the folks I see in Hollywood. I also am well aware that if not for those “Hollywood” folks I wouldn’t have as much to share with the crowds or as many fun Hollywood credits which, honestly, is at least half the reason the crowds have been so plentiful. I honestly think the other half is that I’ve always been honest about my personal life, for better or worse. People have a pretty good idea about what my set covers, they just want to see if I can make it funny, and I have to be funny, but it sure helps when you’re in front of 1500 people who are miraculously rooting for you. I think it’s because they know I’m one of them (they sure do after the show:) and they seem relieved that I’m not mean when I share my crazy but true stories of my past. Mixing gratitude, insanity, failure and optimism is not the typical combo for comedy success but it’s my life. It’s what I do. Which is also why I’m not nor will I ever be one of the “cool kids”. Or be in one of the famous comedy-actor cliques. I’d love to be in the cool crowds, be part of the Apatow, Sandler, Eastwood, Coen, Tarentino, Spielberg, Scorcese, Woody Allen etc’s but my path is to stick my toe into all of the various “gangs” and that’s what works best for me (besides, I don’t have a choice, they’ve already got a fat guy:).
In all honesty, I’ve either worked with or been offered work by most of those guys, and most have gone out of their way to show me random acts of kindness. Sometimes when I’m insecure I think of the guys I’ve given breaks to. I wonder when they are going to return the favor, but I don’t need a favor (not that I wouldn’t want to work with them. Not that I don’t think I would come through for them) and 99% HAVE returned any “favors” I’ve done for them (and by favors I mean hiring them and they, using their own talent, have made me look good, so who did who the favor?:) and when I’m honest with myself, 99% of the people I’ve given a break to have gone on to give breaks to many, many others. They’ve “passed it on” just like someone passed it to me, add that to all the talented, incredibly generous people who still are willing to work with, hire and teach me. A list of friends I wouldn’t trade for anyone’s list of friends (and sure as hell I’m not talking just Show Business). Even when my ego is at it’s biggest I look around and realize, “Tom Arnold is a lucky mother f**ker to even know these amazing human beings”. I knock on wood that anyone would have anything to do with me, especially in Hollywood, but more than my fair share do. In spite of my breaking a cardinal rule of showbiz: There can only be one talented person per marriage. The other is a gold digger.
While I can’t speak for my personal amount of talent I can say with 100% certainty that Ashley is at least as talented as me. Different ways but I wouldn’t be sitting here today, showing up for opportunities. Succeeding in all area’s of my life (of course I’d like more quality Film and TV work and I’d like to be a father, yesterday still…) but she takes care of me and our life, so that I am ready when the opportunities arrive. She has no doubt they will, and I have no doubt I won’t let her down. In the meantime, because of her pushing me, I’m traveling every weekend to parts unknown getting paid to make people I like smile. So I guess she IS a bit of a gold digger, as I once was. She KNEW I’d have whatever it takes to bring home enough gold to live out my innermost dreams. Without her unconditional support, belief and confidence I honestly would’ve been out of gold by now. I didn’t think I had any left to dig, but she was born with a silver shovel in her hand. She also taught me one of life’s greatest secrets. I’ve always been a good digger, but I didn’t realize that the actual digging WAS striking gold if you’re sharing your shovel with someone you really, really dig (sorry, it’s late, I’d say that was a bad pun but I’m not sure what a pun is at this point).
Alrighty then, thanks for listening… ..for you real manly men out there, don’t worry, I haven’t gone all soft and sensitive. I’m still a big crazy Iowa farm kid so in my next blog I’ll go back in time a couple weeks. I will share my visually stunning, eye opening, game changing, blow by blow experience of accidentally depantsing the gorgeous, athletic, Victoria’s Secret, Sports Illustrated Super Model, Marisa Miller on live TV during The Direct TV Celebrity Beach Football Game at this year’s Super Bowl, and how I tried to convince my wife that this was all part of HER mantra of not trying to control the future but instead allowing God’s plan to unfold. God is good. Very good. L, Tom

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Back from a great trip through the Midwest, including home state Iowa.  Saw lot’s of old friends and family. Ashley was kind enough to meet me in Des Moines (no offense but Iowa in January is a tough sell as a vacation spot:)  So grateful all the shows sold out and all the kindness and stories the folks shared after each show.  Visited the abused children’s center at St. Luke’s in Cedar Rapids. The finest facility I’ve ever seen. A safe, homey place for the kids and still equipped with high tech medical and evidence gathering facilities. The combination of an excellent staff and smart, caring police made me wish we’d had a place like this when I was young. They also have a great community outreach program, education parents and schools but the most inspiring moment was when a mother and father slid a picture of their beautiful little daughter to me and told me her story. They were as smart and brave as the little one and with the help of St Luke’s, took one pedophile out of the child care system.  The last time a parent slid me a picture of their 9 year old boy and his horse, he’d already hung himself.  The shame of rape too much for that little angel. Nothing I could say or do would ever make things right but I will keep trying as will the thousands of others around the country who donate their time and money to place’s like St.Luke’s. I know it happen’s to a lot of us but if we didn’t know enough to speak up back then, we can do something about the little one’s now and stand up for the little one inside of all of us who didn’t know what to do.  We can move on. They hurt us when we were little but we can’t allow them to have any power now and helping others is always the best way to eliminate that shame.  Back to fun stuff.  Sundance was great. Continued my bromance with my buddy Shanks. Loved “The Runaways”, Dax’s “The Freebie”, Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s “Jack Goes Boating” and John Well’s “The Company Men”. Thanks to The Sundance Channel folks. Great hosts.  Also learned a valuable lesson, a buddy invented those Flip camera’s, which have changed things for the better, even for the paparazzi, so watch what you share with old friends, stupidly assuming that since there aren’t any big camera’s present you’re having a private-public convo. My Bad. I did break the tip record as a waiter at The My Space Cafe (for Haiti) which somehow meant more to me than just about anything.  Arnold made me come to the premiere of “The Tipping Point” a very good documentary about nuclear proliferation and a plan former Secretaries of State, Republican and Democrat have for the total elimination of these weapons from the planet.  Scary but I like a plan (also, it made comedy night at The Laugh Factory a little hard to get started:).  This is my only weekend off until summer so we’re laying around (or maybe it’s just me:) Off to the Super Bowl for Direct TV next week. Like Sundance, the Super Bowl is most fun for catching up with friends you don’t see very often.  Finally, Go Hawks!  Very proud of our Orange Bowl win (if you lived in Iowa you’d understand:)  L,Tom

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My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the quake victims and Haitian people. Please go to Ellen’s website to see how you can help! L, T

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1qQKEc/ellen.warnerbros.com/2010/01/haiti-earthquake-0113.php

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“Reminder to self: Never let my old buddy MO near a microphone in public, but thankfully the folks at the Des Moines Funny Bone were very kind and Charity, Mo’s FAR BETTER HALF is a great cook so Ashley made me forgive him and we all thank the Good Lord he’s not famous. MO’s on stage banter makes “the situation” sound like Sidney Poitier. It is nice to be back in The Hawkeye State (actually, the folks in Springfield Illinois, from Donnie B and his club goers to the lady that cut me off at 3 double cheese White Castle’s were hard to say goodbye to..and it was -3 degrees!) The moment we landed at The St Louis Airport I felt I’d arrived at that Avatar planet Cameron created PLUS I ‘d just watched Jason Reitman’s “Up In The Air”. You know a movie’s good when you feel sorry for George Clooney. He’s as good as advertised and the whole Midwest vibe is so cool. So real. They give me the benefit of the doubt:) Larry King with Dr Drew Wed night, Cedar Rapids Thurs, Davenport Fri, Dubuque Sat then back to unreality and a final shout out to Conan (Dax was great last night), D. Ferguson and the gang. Love you guys and look forward to many more silly times with you all. L,Tom”

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Happy New Year! Let’s all commit to only focusing on relationships, personal or professional where everyone is on your team. Where we’re all fighting the good fight together and not against one another. Although my personal inclination is to pay a lot of attention to negative things and people I vow to let those things and people go. To focus on the people who like me and not search out the ones that don’t. Same with work. Do the leg work but focus on 10 attainable goals instead of 100 possible ones and anyone that doesn’t believe as I do and don’t want to help, can sit out 2010. If I achieve 5 of the 10 I’ll have a fun year and will be able to help more people get to their goals. This means that I’m going to have to say “no” and cut any dead weight, 2 things that scare me to death as a People Pleaser First Class (BTW, I’m doing this so I can provide for Ashley and our future family. If it was just for me I’d never do it:)   [click to continue…]

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