I am on the red eye from NY after a whirlwind of the life of a stand up comedian.  My plane has Wi-Fi but I am not able to log onto it, of course.

Since Ashley and I got married we’ve spent some family and friends time in Maui but I wanted to “go off the grid” for a real honeymoon so we headed to Shanghai.  And by “real honeymoon” I mean an eye opening, romantic tour of a far off land paid for by Asia Uncut, the finest English speaking talk show allowed to be watched by a billion viewers.   We shopped, and it is crowded there.

Ashley surprised me with the only quiet dinner for two to mark my 20th sober B-Day Dec 10.   A private restaurant on top of a bell tower that seats 2 and has the view of Shanghai’s massive skyscrapers and 1000 year old castles that we’d seen on TV.   Also, the best meal of my life and that’s a life of too many good meals.   Twitter, Facebook and You Tube are illegal there but TMZ plays every night on HBO Asia.  No wonder people pointed and laughed at me.  

Last week, I was performing at The San Jose Improv but had my usual early Friday morning local radio to promote the show and it was San Francisco based so I got 4 hours of sleep instead of 5 (I also do a day or 2 of print and radio earlier from home).   The traveling and interviews are always the hard part.   The shows are awesome and after seeing the SJ Improv, a 110 year old theatre and seeing how happening San Jose really was I had second thoughts about staying on Nob Hill and the extra hour drive nightly (though it brought back a lot of great memories of the 5 months I lived there filming 9 Months).  Also, this was a theatre with a comedy club name.   A historical landmark where Charlie Chaplin and Harry Houdini worked the same stage.  Everyone treated me incredibly well.

Then back to LA to see Ashley for a day.  Although I did spend a few hours at Kimmel’s watching the new Trailer Park Boys film.  I LOVE that show.  It’s on Direct TV Channel 101.   Off to NY for Jimmy Fallon.  I love Jimmy.   He’s as sweet and humble as he seems.   Not just because he plays Sharon Stone and my son in the soon to be released (I hope) The Year of Getting to Know Us, but because he’s found the sweet spot for all of his many talents and then there’s The Roots.  They are like having the whole E Street Band as your house band on a talk show.

Now I get to go home.  Do my final rewrite for my NBC pilot (they have been unusually kind since they changed management after I signed my deal…that NEVER happens).  Do a little work on Kid Pitch – the sports show I’m producing on and off screen for Fox starring 9 year olds.  Yes, Larry King’s sons are involved but I swear I had no idea who they were when I cast them.  In fact, his son Chance is more talented than Larry and I combined.  And best of all I get a real Christmas with Ashley at home.  Even went to Target and got a tree and stockings. I’m looking forward to that more than True Lies 2…almost.

Happy Holidays and count your blessings.  Your kind feedback has been some of my favorites in a year of big ones.  I love you.

Here are two videos with the guys who did last weekend’s Improv shows with me.  Both Kevin Bozeman and Frank Townsend are funny and talented comics. We had a lot of fun.

Just back from The Denver Comedy Works.  Lots of future in-laws and old friends.  The crowds and openers were great but the highlight was talking with the GM Jeff about the 80’s and my “performances” there.  One of the reasons I booked this comedy club tour was to retrace those drunken steps.  My worse fears were confirmed about my behavior but he was kind about it, “that was the 80’s.”

I’m off to the Chicago Improv this week.  I assumed the Cubs would be in the Championship Series when I booked it because, as a Cubs fan, I’m either stupid or eternally optimistic…I prefer the latter.  Ashley is going with me – it’s pretty lonely out there after the shows – but I suspect me getting her Oprah tickets had a lot to do with it (she wept…I’m serious).

I’ve developed a new respect for the traveling comic and am trying to appreciate the opportunity to do this.  I really do like speaking to people in person instead of walking to and from a trailer in the incredibly unglamorous world of TV and Film but when I watch a Zach Efron movie alone in my hotel and weep, I know it’s time to figure a better way.  I owe NBC a script and I am writing this as a commitment to get it done this week.  I’m also vowing to get more involved in my wedding planning…right after I finish the script.

Here are some videos we took at last night’s crazy and fun Laughing With the Stars show at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood.  Andy Peters had done our show a bunch of times and is always funny.  We’ve been lucky to have Donald Glover do our show a few times, too, when he’s not filming his new show on NBC, Community.  Like all the comics we have at the show, they’re great guys and funny dudes.  Sometimes, I think talking with the crowds and the other comics is as much fun as doing the stand-up on stage.  Enjoy.

I have to thank everybody involved in my Wed Night Comedy Shows at LA’s Laugh Factory (8-10PM – unemployed people get in free).  And by everybody I mean the great comics that take the time for no money to perform.  We consistently have the best, most diverse groups in town.  As well as the hard working staff at the club.  The truth is, I didn’t want to do the show.  I was scared, humbled, it was a hassle BUT because of these folks and the GREAT CROWDS we’ve been getting…it’s been one of the smartest choice’s I’ve made in my career. I’ve that I love performing.  That I love watching the new comics doing new kinds of comedy and instead of a step backwards.  The old rule was first Stand Up then TV then Film and maybe I’m kidding myself but the rules have changed.  Everything good in my career has come because of those shows.

And the strangest thing I noticed is that they have fun struggling together even though all the stereotypes about absent agents, creepy club owners and even “the casting couch” are true, these kids keep plugging away and I guarantee, some of them will make it, in fact, I think they think you’ve already made it because they love what they do.  I know it sounds crazy but there’s not a sociopath in the bunch.  They just appreciate things and it makes me want to work harder.  I watch them celebrating the little victories and laughing at the usual BS.  It’s been inspiring.  I want to be more like them….have more friends.  Friends are good in any business.   I had a lot of friends when I worked at Hormel and McDonald’s…what happened?

So, if you can’t see me and some of my new friends on the road (I promise, for better or worse, you’ll see a show like no other) stop in on a Wednesday night and join us.

Hey, Tom here.  Crazy week.  First, my buddy Steve O. is NOT GAY! (anymore, anyway:)  Went to his wedding last Monday in sunny Atlanta.  He’s come a long way from the crack head that stumbled into my house 7 years ago.  Miraculous.

Just got back from The Global Comedy Fest in Vancouver.  You know how everyone says “I love….”?  Well, I do love Vancouver.  Been there a total of 3 years in the last 16 working but it’s been a couple and even Joel, my assistant who hates everything, liked it.  I did a “surprise” set Thurs at Yuk Yuk’s, which was as much fun as I’ve had since I started touring..which was amazing since I barely slept the night before.  (Note to anyone considering a tattoo: NEVER get a partners name tattooed on your body.  It hurts like hell to get them removed and if, hypothetically, you’re getting married in 75 days and you rush to Dr Tattoff, do NOT say “Turn the laser to 11.  Gotta get this stuff off my arm cause I’m getting married to a beautiful woman with another name…in Maui where people tend to take their shirts off, in 75 days.”  Because you could forget to ice it down, develop giant blood blisters, a 103 degree temp and writhe in pain the night before flying out of the country…too embarrassed to see a Doctor because they might say you can’t fly which would mess up the schedule at a super fun comedy festival…especially if you’re the host of “The Best Of” show on Friday night.  Hypothetically.

So, The Best of The Fest Show Friday Night included Tim Rykert, Ben McGinnis, Moshe Kasher, Garfunkel and Oates, Jon Dore, Natasha Leggero, Paul F. Tompkins and Tig Notaro and me, and everyone killed except for me, who, doing my job, set the comedy bar very low between these fine acts.  That’s was the best part of the weekend.  Seeing all the young comic’s I’d never seen and watching the new material of the one’s I had.

I actually went out late Friday night after the comedy shows.  Got back to the Hotel at 3AM.  People like to party in Vancouver and when the bars close they like to stand in the street and yell at each other and party so I kept my head down and plowed through them.  The fact that I had a giant map in my hand was hint enough that I might be a tourist.  Also, as I walked by each bunch I’d hear “that dude looked like fucking Tom Arnold…only sweatier.”  It was fun and I resisted the allure of an all night McDonalds, which was really hard because I’d worked up quite a sweat.

Back to the comedy.  So many funny acts.  Garfunkle and Oates, this hot chick duo that I’m buds with from my Laugh Factory Shows.  They killed Friday night, as did my new favorite comic, Ryan Scovel.  He’s worked with me a bunch of times – blonde dude, kinda Owen Wilson-ish, and he does this hilarious southern character, a kids baseball coach, he’s Pro-Abortion, at least for a great joke, but who wouldn’t be, right?  Also, Andy Kindler is genuine the new Robin Williams of nice, funny guys.  His wife travels with him, too and they really love each other and, much like Robin, Andy’s wife gives him the “wrap it up” look that the best wives do.  On Friday, I did a fun fake talk show with Andy.  Paul F. Tompkins and Todd Barry were they other guests.  Josh Fadem played the sidekick and Andy Jr. in training.  Very funny.

I told Joel I thought Todd probably hated me because he is so intelligent but I never hold that against anyone, especially if they don’t know me too well.  Like Greg Fitzsimmons told me he hated me until he realized “you aren’t doing an act – that’s actually who you are.”  I took that as a huge compliment.  I didn’t even try to figure out what it meant, I was just happy to be liked and Todd’s so funny, I would expect him to not like me.

Natasha Leggero was awesomely hilarious and sweet as were the other guys and Tig Notaro and I became like friends, I think.  I did for sure.  We talked after the show.  I might’ve walked out on stage BEFORE her set was over, I couldn’t hear very well and I thought she said she needed me….she didn’t…but she was very funny about it.  It might’ve been part of her act and the 1000 kind patrons at “The Theatre” seemed concerned-confused-amused…so we were either improvising or I was being totally inappropriate and unprofessional, either way, she made it funny.  We both love Cheryl Hines and she was the glue that brought Tig and I together, that and her genuine concern for my mental health, which was refreshing.

Usually, the press I do to promote shows and clubs can be brutal and is what I say I get paid for,while the comedy is free.  This time, the local TV and Radio Shows I did in Vancouver were actually a lot of fun.  I got to be a real DJ and spin real vinyl albums from my youth on Classic Rock 101 and the Urban Rush TV show with the big (as in tall, sturdy) woman and the tiny (as in gay or just really good looking) man was awesome.  I wrestled the tiny man.  He was a good sport because he didn’t know we were going to wrestle until I jumped on him.  I really wanted to wrestle the larger lady but again, wanted to rep the festival in a professional way.  Thank you everyone!